Today, I talked to my neighbor about his music. I had a webinar I was holding and needed it to be quiet. We got everything squared away and we’re still cool so I’m going to share how to respectfully setup your boundaries without making enemies.

When you move into a new building, you’re simply looking for a place to stay. You wanted to be nice, quiet and clean.  Once you get all settled in you may decide to meet your neighbors, or not. One way or another, you’ll eventually bump into them in the longer of, in the parking lot or just when you’re coming and going from your apartment.

Living in an apartment building has its benefits. You often get a great location without the overhead of maintaining a lawn or shoveling snow. You also have certain utilities like water, heat and garbage covered.

But sometimes, there’s a dark side… and sometimes, that’s how you deal with your neighbors.

The Noisy Neighbor

Now we’ve all heard the horror stories of someone playing music well past midnight and having loud parties in their apartment. That’s not what this post is about. This is about people, who live in apartments, with different work schedules and different lifestyles.

Yesterday my neighbor across the hall was playing his music loud. It was a couple of minutes before one of my webinars and I decided that it was just going to be too distracting for me to ignore. I took action and went across the hall to knock on his door. I knocked several times, with different rhythms, for a couple minutes, and got no answer. My other neighbor, who I don’t know so well came out and said, “Yeah he’s been playing that music loud all the time” or something like that.  Now, here’s where I had to disagree. I know the neighbor’s door I was knocking on (Let’s call him Music Guy) play’s his rock music usually the afternoons. Normally not a big deal. To me.  He travels out-of-town; I think he’s in a band. But today, I needed to be quiet. I told the new neighbor (New Neighbor Guy) that Music Guy was pretty consistent with his music, playing it in the afternoons.  I encouraged New Neighbor Guy to feel free to knock on Music Guy’s door if he ever thought the music was too loud.

Needless to say, I was unable to contact Music Guy I so I had to do my webinar anyway. Not a big deal. Life goes on.

Today, Music Guy was playing his music again. I don’t know if he changed his some new rock music that has a higher pitch but I could hear it more clearly today and I had another webinar going so again I went over to knock on Music Guy’s door.  I knocked, and I knocked.  I decided this was important to me so I banged, respectfully, I banged on Music Guy’s door with my foot. This got his attention and I was able to communicate my need for quiet in the afternoon today. He was perfectly cool with it, and express his awareness for not playing music in the evening so people could sleep. I acknowledged this consideration and told him that I appreciated his help today so I could have a great webinar. He agreed, I think I’m handling back to complete a successful webinar. Music guy came over later this afternoon to chat with me.  He wanted to make sure I felt comfortable letting him know when I needed quiet.  We chatted, talked about my cat and how American Shorthairs came over on the Mayflower (his fact, I haven’t verified this) and the building.  He’s a cool guy, laid-back, and as I thought were totally understand my request.

Now for a lot of folks out there, this would have been a hard thing to do.

In fact, my other neighbor had called on him for playing his music. He works the night shift at a restaurant and had come home, turn on the music and fallen asleep. His neighbors below him decided to hit their ceiling with a broom or something to let them know they wanted him to turn the music down. He decided that he would stomp on the floor and turn the music up. His neighbors may have come upstairs to knock on his door, I don’t remember now. Needless to say, they called the cops on them! This has now left both parties feeling upset and distrustful. I advised him to go downstairs and talk with them to clear things up.

Don’t Rock The Boat

My mom taught me to be afraid of landlords. They could evict you at any time. They could turn off your heat. They could be very slow in fixing important things you needed in your apartment so my idea of the tenant experience was nothing like the Odd Couple with Felix and Oscar.

Once I start renting my own place, I carried over this same fear and apprehension. It took me a couple of years to realize that my mom’s fears were simply that, her fears. I began to understand how to make requests for repairs and understand my rights as a tenant. Since doing this I have felt more empowered as a renter.

Friends with Benefits

I’ve taken the same empowerment to heart with her neighbors. I’ve lived in this building for almost 3 years and know many of my neighbors. It’s nice to greet folks by name and if I have a problem with my car, or I miss a delivery from the FedEx lady, my awesome neighbors are here to help. In return I fixed several computers and even baked lemon bars!  The night my car window was broken, not only did my neighbors alert me, but two of them graciously held me cover up my window with plastic until the window guy could come out.

Many of my neighbors have dogs. This has led to interesting discussions and advice regarding dog training, veterinary services and the joys of owning a pet.

I’ve even friended up three of my neighbors on Facebook!

Summary

It’s important to communicate your needs with others. At first, it can be terrifying because you are afraid they will turn down your request or verbally attack you but, in the end, it will pay off because you will be able to do the same thing in other parts of your life so I encourage you to practice with basic things like noise requests.

photo credit: Firesam!