Category: Reflections
I have done a lot of dating in the last year. This has allowed me to compare and experience what at times feels like polar opposites to how guys go about woo’ing a lady.
I’ve known since I was a teenager I wanted to be in a relationship, one-to-one, with a guy who I thought was awesome and thought the same of me. Ever hopeful, I started dating again last year with renewed optimism since the ratio of men to women in San Francisco seems to be in my favor. Read More…
Often we consider others to be our friends but if closely examined, we may be surprised to realize that our actions don’t reflect the value of our friendships.
A quote from Napolean Hill reminded me of how I can show my friends I appreciate them:
If you must let someone down, be sure it isn’t the friend who helped you up when you were down.
We all have short memories. We become preoccupied with our own interests and daily cares, and it’s easy to lose track of friends. There will always be times when you must choose between what you wish to do and what you must do. When you are faced with such decisions, make sure you always remember those true and loyal friends who were there when you needed them, and never, under any circumstances, abandon them. When you let down a friend who helped you when you needed it most, you will not only adversely affect the friendship; you will seriously damage your own self-respect. When you fail a friend, regardless of how heavy your own burdens may be, you also fail yourself. If you absolutely cannot do what good friends would like, find another way to make it up to them.
Lately, I’ve spent time looking around to realize how far I’ve come a long way in terms of building lasting and reciprocal friendships. Five years ago I could barely think of three people I would consider a friend and realized I needed to change things. I made a commitment in my journal to “surround myself with positive people” and created a list of attributes those people would have.
Looking back, I want to share what I’ve learned since writing that statement in my journal December 2006:
They’re Available. When you need to talk, is your friend there for you? Do they call you back when they realize you may be struggling through something? For myself, whenever a friend reaches out to me, I answer. Since I work for myself, I can often talk during the day but if it’s something involved or emotional, I will suggest we chat after work hours so that I can put full focus on the issue. If a friend is in a technical bind, I see what I can do to help. The flip side of this is making sure I ensure I have time for myself and that I don’t self sacrifice my own well being for the benefit of the others.
They Listen. How many times have you called up a friend to share your troubles and they hurl ideas at you to fix the “problem”? I used to be like this and was stumped why my friends would feel upset talking with me. My perception was that there was a problem and they needed it fixed. Wrong! They were going through something and wanted someone who could identify with their pain, their experience and their feelings. It took me many years to “get it” and now I myself, want this same thing when connecting with friends. I find it much more satisfying to hear my friend say, “I know exactly what you’re going through” rather than, “Hey, why don’t you try _____”. Everyone can get to this deeper level of experiencing life but I feel it’s a conscious choice and awareness that there is something lacking in how you experience things is the first step. Just like in the Matrix, Neo knew something wasn’t right in his life; He felt dissatisfied but wasn’t sure how to change things until Morpheus came into his life. Look for those opportunities for people who can help you cross the bridge to deeper life experiences.
They Understand. Experiences are made up of several parts: thoughts, feelings, memories, the present moment and the outcome. Life experiences can feel exciting and confusing at the same time. I realize friends can be guides during your life journey because they may have experienced something similar and can shed light on their experience or can be there for you as you try to figure out yours. This section is about input much more than it is about output. People who spend inordinate amounts of time trying to help others may just be avoiding helping themselves so I’ve realized over the years that sharing my experiences without judgement has brought me much more clarity than trying to run around and “save” my friends from hurt. Going through pain is a part of life. Sharing that pain is what friendship is about as well as the successes and obstacles. Friendship is about brainstorming and allowing others in. Let yourself be open to exploration next time you’re sitting down with a friend. Talk from your heart, not from your head.
They Advise. This is often a favorite of friends; to give tips and advice on what should be done to repair a problem. Friends help you find your path in life, tie your shoe laces and dust off your jeans after you’ve fallen so you can proceed on your life journey feeling confident and supported by their well wishes. They share their stories of challenge and self doubt so you can learn from their past without hopefully having to live to quite as much pain as they did. Sometimes you do have to “fake it” and act on behalf of your friend’s advice without really feeling like it’s a part of you. This is why the foundation of trust in a friendship is very important so you can focus on the feelings of discomfort about your new behavior and not question the advice of your friend. Friends give you advice based on what they see as a good path for you because they want to see you be successful. They want to see you make it. They want to get that call when you get nominated, elected and invited to amazing events. They want to be your +1 to share your success because they care about you.
They Support. Cheerleaders are awesome. I wish more sports teams had male cheerleaders so I could really enjoy half time a bit more. That said, friends make awesome cheerleaders. They root for you both in good times and in bad. They call you to check in, send you links resources and introduce you to people to network with. They invite you to their special life events like weddings and for holiday meals because they want to keep the bond of friendship strong. They smile when they hear the good news in your life and share theirs in return.
Think about your friends and how you interact with them. Cultivate and care for the friendships that mean the most to you and stir up the warmest memories.
Questions
As 2010 comes to a close, I’ve created a video to share five things I’m grateful for, three resolutions for 2011 and 20 people who I would like to thank for making a difference in my life this year! Read More…
Photo Credit: Jeff Croft
Yesterday I spent my first 4th of July in San Francisco. We had a BBQ here and then some fellow Zendeskians came over and we headed off to visit Clay, our old co-worker who was having a Vegan cookout.
Scene on the rooftop in the Mission – Lot of Googlers since both roommates work there. Young crowd. Single + few couples. Freetime. Smartphone in your pocket. Burgers. Hot dogs (kosher?). Sunny. More beer than the cooler could hold.
Scene at Clay’s in Mission/Noe – Young crowd. More couples. Indoors. A few dogs. Curios cat feeder. Agile development. Pet rescue. Delicious white wine sangria. Jailbreaking.
It’s been almost 5 years since I made a commitment to be more social. Small talk is still not my favorite thing in the entire world; it’s like a salty drink in the middle of a desert. This geeky introvert has come a long way from not showing up at parties to seeking them out and *gasp* inviting others to come!
On this day of celebrating freedom, I felt especially appreciative that I even have the CHOICE to focus my attention, future and career. I was born in New York City at a Jewish Hospital in 1978. If I were born just 100 – 200 years earlier, I would be disenfranchised due to my race, gender and high falootin’ curiosity about science, technology and trying new things. That fact that I’m a combination of races could have created even more hardship. This post was quite a bit longer but I’m going to hold of on the second part while I develop it out a bit.
Be grateful. Live in the moment. Appreciate every day you wake up breathing.
Today I moved into the apartment. I cannot begin to express how relieved, happy, excited and grateful I feel writing this. I spent the day moving, moving around furniture and setting up my technology.
June 2009 the seed was planted about moving to San Francisco. That seed began to sprout after working for Zendesk. February 9th I announced I was moving. April 13th I moved. May 24th, I have a permenant place to live!
I never would have imagined my life developing and evolving the way it has in the last 4 years. What I do know is that I pretty much enjoy every, single minute of my life. The ability to spread smiles, knowledge and hope each day fills my heart with joy! I am seeing so much good here in San Francisco that I now regret not thinking of moving here sooner!
I’ll go to sleep tonight thanking God for the wonderful opportunities he has put in my path. I will continue to show my appreciation by stepping up and using my skills and passion to make every day count *smile*
Was I scared sh**less to do this?
Did I regret my decision at least once during the process?
Did I fear failure or some huge disaster?
The answer is, “yes”to all those questions.
I overcame fear by looking it in the face. I will leave you tonight with some powerful quotes on fear, courage and fear. I wish you the best in going after your dreams.
The only way past fear is to go through.
- Author Unknown
You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.
- Mary Manin Morrissey
Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.
- Mark Twain
If you’re careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
- Anais Nin
Leap, and the net will appear.
- John Burroughs, Naturalist (1837-1921) Read More…
As I finalize my move to San Francisco, I realize I’m scared.
I’m not afraid of San Francisco.
I’m not afraid that I won’t be successful.
It’s the overwhelming thought of the unknown in a new city that causes butterflies in my stomach.
photo credit: M Skaffari
I’ve just started reading Annie‘s book, “Knit With Courage Live With Hope” where she shares her journey of moving from New Jersey to Minnesota and her husbands sudden health battle with Multiple Myeloma. Read More…
I got to thinking tonight about how people view other people in social media. I realized that a lot of love songs from the 90′s fit the bill.
“I’ve been watching you baby, for a very long time”
If you’ve ever been talking to someone and the two of you start talking about someone who is “Internet Famous”, you may have experienced feelings of euphoria, amazement, wonder and curosity. I think many of these same feelings are like infatuous love (yes! I’m going to use that word even if it’s not a word).
Over the last 4 weeks, I’ve met many people. Some have been very intent on changing the direction of their lives while others have felt very powerless to do so. I continue to share my story of struggle and success with all, encouraging people to do something out of the ordinary, to break out of their “reality”.
Perception is a strong thing, like a spider web. Once caught, you don’t feel you can escape but for the bugs who don’t give up struggling, there is the chance of making it out alive. That struggle is the rudder in your life to steer your ship.
Learn how you can start making changes today that allow you to lead the life you feel is out of reach. That may sounds like some “space age” type talk but it works if you open your mind and focus on what is truly important to you.
Today’s topic at AskAdria is:
“How To Change The Course Of Your Life In 10 Minutes”
Monday, February 8th at 6:30pm Central
Join me over at http://askadria.com/live
Photo credit: *ian*
I’m not sure how to start this blog post so I’m just going to start writing. Today I’m not writing about technology. Today I got a card and a couple of gifts from my sister, Gwendolyn. I haven’t talked to her since 2008.
I love my sister. It brings me much pain to realize how our childhood has affected her as an adult. I know that I always seem happy, excited, optimistic and ready for the next challenge that life brings my way. Unfortunately, her life and thoughts have been very different.
She suffers from depression. I didn’t really understand what this meant. I thought depression was something that was temporary. I thought it could be cured if things in life got better for you. I thought medication helped make life better if you have depression.
I know it took a lot for her to muster up the courage to do this.
Whenever I think of depression, that commercial with the cloud comes to mind where that’s sad person is always followed by that sad cloud. Then I think of the more happy, parody version MadTV did:
Pretty much 99.9999% of the time, I am happy, joyous, grateful, full of energy about life! Sometimes, I have felt guilty that I am just so excited about being alive while others seem to find the world a horrible place to exist.
Read More…
Today we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday. I am so very grateful for the work he did to challenge the status quo and draw worldwide attention to the problems Brown people in America faced.
Today I share this music video from Common and Will.i.am, “I Have A Dream”
As I shared on Twitter today, my family is new to the word, “freedom”. My grandfather was a sharecropper and according to my mom, my great grandfather was a slave. This means my dad and his siblings were the first to really have “opportunties”. On my mom’s side (she’s the Jewish one), her great grandparents came from Poland. My grandparents were born in NYC, grew up, met each other, got married and lived the “American dream” but not before my grandfather and all his siblings changed their last names from Jepnick to Richards in hopes of avoiding discrimination for being Jewish (anti-semitism),
I am grateful I have the freedom to truly pursue what makes me happy. I thank the people before me who stood up for those of us who could not find our voices (or who had not been born yet!).
Thank you Dr. King
I am sharing the following email correspondence to illustrate how some people have no clue that their energy is so negative that even I don’t want to associate with them. No longer willing to spend time with emotional vampires and people who play mind games, I’ve tried, for several years now, to tell “Chuck T” (name changed for privacy), that I simply do not and will not interact with him.
Hopefully today…he gets it
Adria Richards
Let me make this crystal clear.
This is about YOU.
This isn’t about the BDPA as a program or any other program out there running to help people regardless of their age, race or gender.
I think you’re a tire kicker.
You blame others.
You don’t take accountability or responsibility for things.
You seek a scapegoat.
Yes, you sit on a corporate job and don’t push yourself.
I don’t need excuses. I didn’t need them back then.
I work with people who take action. Who get things done because they have a burning desire in their heart to do so. Many of these folks I’m talking about are Brown.
I feel you are toxic. You are an energy vampire looking to clamp onto someone and then, if anything goes right, take the credit. If anything fails, point the finger.
I hope this feedback, in it’s raw form will give you food for thought as to why you are part of a very, select group of people I am unwilling to deal with.
Thanks,
Adria Richards
Organic Technology Consultant
———————————————-
612-246-4568
Skype adennetworks
Twitter @adriarichards
Read the blog – http://butyoureagirl.com
Watch the show – http://askadria.com
Get live training – http://freshworkshops.com
The email you read may seem harsh. I sent it after receiving this incredibly insane followup email from “Chuck T”. Doesn’t it ever get old in his life to blame others for his failures? Guess not.
Hello Adria,
No matter how this sounds, and I won’t reply further…just had this response on my mind, I even prayed over sending it to you…but whatever message it sends, consider it temporal ….Sorry, I didn’t realize the seriousness of your concern hence the ongoing unanswered requests (guilt administered – got it) …. in August 2007 it was all about the kids (who were a mess) and an eternity ago …and you are right, I have dabbled in my business having a corporate IT job and steady pay than depending on the business income an would generate is serious not trivial – makes complete sense … but also keep in mind, I have truly respected your business acumen and skills until now and would have supported whatever activities I could that made sense.
I guess this all makes sense now….from memory, we had the you were always late to the BDPA kids session, looked down on them and negative about the class & feedback critique issue. Times do change. Programs run for free do change. We now have shaken out plenty of bugs in that system and did successfully complete our goal(s) of getting kids college scholarships and IT internships….
Life is “Organic” not “Perfect”…it is strong yet flexible adjusting to the need. Well, us trying is better than putting up brick walls in my opinion.
Having said that, I merely looked to you as someone that has gifts to give back to the community and leverage your network to build your business as well.
But I have securely locked in your position and will refrain from bothering you about this again. I wish I would have reviewed that email from 2 1/2 years ago…lol.
Am truly sorry I asked. Makes sense.
Best wishes in your adventures..and a healthy start to 2010!!!
Chuck T-
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
From: Adria Richards <adria.richards@butyoureagirl.com>Date: Mon, 4 Jan 2010 12:40:13 -0600To: <removed>Subject: Re: 2010 WishesChuck T,
You may not remember but I sent you an email saying I didn’t like how you did business.
My email from August 9th, 2007 still stands. I don’t feel you’re serious about business and technology. You dabble. I don’t have time for dabblers.
Thanks,
Adria Richards
Organic Technology Consultant
———————————————-
612-246-4568
Skype adennetworks
Twitter @adriarichards
Read the blog – http://butyoureagirl.com
Watch the show – http://askadria.com
Get live training – http://freshworkshops.comOn Thu, Aug 9, 2007 at 6:32 AM, Adria Richards <removed> wrote:
Chuck T,
In what capacity do you mean? I want to make it clear I was expecting
something to move forward opportunity wise from our talks last year
with technology or the web. I felt you let me down when you said you
were going to get images and video of the students for the dinner
ceremony and didn’t. I told the parent that you did not follow
through and I didn’t have enough to work with to make a powerpoint
presentation.So far, your words have not matched your actions on things that were
important to me so I’m wary of entering into something new. I’m
impressed by people who follow through no matter who their actions
benefit.This may be a surprise but I didn’t think it warranted a special
meeting to let you know where I was at on how things have gone
regarding opportunities through you.If you can speak to this, great. If you are looking for me to
volunteer, I’m not interested for the remainder of the year because I
have volunteer projects lined up to keep me plenty busy. I also have
been asked back by the Community Education program to teach more
classes this fall.Thank you for the notice but unless it’s something of substance, I’m
not interested.Adria Richards
On Mon, Jan 4, 2010 at 11:48 AM, <removed> wrote:
And this is because I received the following email this morning AFTER I ignored his LinkedIN invitation. Yes, I asked Twitter and they said, “Well maybe he sent you an invite by accident. If you made it clear you didn’t want to work with him.”. Nope!
Hello Adria,
Hope all is well with you…if interested would be happy to discuss opportunities in place for me in 2010 and see if you have any interest or desire.In particular, starting in March I’ll be packaging self-service websites and stepping up PC repair locally…not majorly but taking it on now that I have a few more people wanting upgrades and viruses removed…basically wipe HD’s and reinstalls done. My focus is, and I know this is crazy…lol…but “paid” customers, go figure
Also, we won 4th place nationally in the BDPA programming competition. Last years team was “dramatically” different group of kids than the group you observed. We expect to maintain position and improve to top 3 in the nation. Very awesome core developers, we have 2 more dedicated volunteers and am looking for a 3rd. I took on additional responsibility too and we’ll be working with the state on moving the program to a higher level.
Lastly, you taught A+ certification. I’d like to see how you think that would fit with the youth and do a joint optional subscription to do some one-off classes in the community would work.
All that said, …really just hope all is well and now realizing my dream of focusing in on business.
Take care!
Chuck T
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
So the moral of the story is that you should continue to give people second chances but strike them out at 3. What he wants is to use my skills for his gain. I have decided that investing in any “causes” associated with this guy are a disservice to the people “receiving” the services and a disservice to myself because I can do a whole lot more when I’m surrounded by positive, motivated people.
Remember, People don’t change. What you observe: is.
Don’t hang around and “hope” people you work with will change. Establish your boundaries and deflect toxic folks like this.
Photo Credit: Chris Halford
Today is Turkey Day, aka Thanksgiving in the United States. While American holidays want us to focus in on specific feelings on certain days of the year, I find taking time each day to reflect and give thanks leads to higher productivity.
That said, I want to share a great article I found over at LifeDev that is one of my favorite bookmarks on showing that being thankful leads to a longer life:
Heh… did I get you? I didn’t mean the actual Thanksgiving Day tradition will make you live longer. Rather, actual acts of thanksgiving will increase your lifespan. A Better You Blog cites statistics from 2000 that being thankful is actually beneficial to your health.
One further reason is that research shows it is beneficial to your health (Mcollough, Emmons 2000). In this study, one participant group recorded a diary of daily events, another group wrote down unpleasant experiences, and the third group wrote down a daily record listing things for which they were grateful. The gratitude group was more likely to help others, exercise, and complete personal goals, while reporting more determination, optimism, alertness, energy, and enthusiasm. It is interesting to note that this study also found people who take time to deliberately record their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and found more kindness reciprocated to them as they sent out an increase of kindness from their attitude. Also, grateful people were grateful regardless of whether special events happened in their day or not. In other words, they did not just have moments of gratefulness, but grateful attitudes.
In short, acts of gratitude improve your overall well-being. That’s reason enough for me to start being more thankful for what I have.
The article also gives three ways to get your gratitude on.
I hope everyone is enjoying a stress free holiday and for the many countries not celebrating Thanksgiving, thank you for giving me perspective that the world is bigger than the United States of America!
Today as I walked towards my car, I heard a terrible noise about 200 feet away at the intersection. A red 2 door car had just struck a motorcyclist.
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
I’ve entered several contests and drawings this year. I won an iPhone (valued at $600), a full access pass to Blogworld (valued at $900) so I feel I came out ahead.
I was checking out Gina Trapani’s post about the Twitter attack and and noticed this little picture in the lower right corner that said,
Read More…
If you write code, this is for you. I see that just like heroes…programers, coders and developers come in shades of gray. Some are brave and gentle while others live in spiteful complexity…trapped by their failures of self loathing.
I’m tired of you whiny ass developers who complain about “users”. If it wasn’t for those users, you wouldn’t be taking in any money for your software.
How dare you accuse the end user of hassling you; without them, you would still be in your parent’s basement.
Want to complain about social media? How dare you! If it wasn’t for people who like meeting other people, you wouldn’t even have an application to sell.
Are you building YATA (Yet Another Twitter App) for the iPhone?
Get over yourself and start connecting with people who use your software. Listen, take note; you just might find your humanity.
Sounds like you have a Napoleon complex and I personallly can’t help you out with that because everytime I interact with someone regarding technology, I listen intently and do my best to help them. Obviously, you view yourself as some sort of demi-god who can’t be bothered. Better stack up your FAQ section so the “peon’s” don’t bother you.
Programmer, you may see yourself as too good to be true but thankfully there are developers out there who give a s**t about end users
You know who you are. Your end users send you candy, coffee, chocolate and compliments. They write rave reveiws about you all over the internet and ask to interview you because yes, you’re just that awesome.
You can identify with the struggle of the end user and it shows in how you develop your software. I appreciate that about you.
You spend time listening to what your users want. You surf the forums, you check your Facebook Fan page and Twitter so often we blush at how quickly you reply to our questions.
You surprise us with new features on a Saturday night. It’s like you’re reading my mind. We want our kids to grow up and develop software as effortlessly as you do. You are a beacon of hope in the development community.
What are your life goals? I don’t know but what I do see is you are investing in something you enjoy. You’ve selected a career that you’re in sync with. You have so many fans of your application it’s sort of silly to think you could ever work for someone else again because you have that special “oomph” that makes how you do, what you do, stand out from the rest.
I see you at the conference table; smiling.
Thank you.
photo credit: Digger/ATL
The last 24 hours have been quite trying in the life of Adria. First my rat dies yesterday afternoon, then I get my period, my blog goes down around midnight and then today MyCoopRocks makes an early announcement of the contest winners…and I’m not one of them.
Now, dealing with grief, physical discomfort, frustration and disbelief is usually a process that most folks experience during a long and drawn out situation, not in the middle of the week!
Justice my rat died (He’s the Orange one). I had him for 2 years. I adopted him from the Humane Society of Minneapolis. I still have his little friend Common but Justice was the cute and cuddly one who would sit in my lap for an hour. Rats do something similar to cats when they are happy. It’s called “bruxing”. They sorta grind their teeth around and their eyes will jiggle. That means they are really, really happy. Anyway, Justice used to do that.
Yeah, cramps! They suck! So much that I made a video on YouTube a few weeks back and women are watching it and leaving comments which I think is awesome as this is one of my efforts to be more transparent by sharing non “techie” stuff about myself. I want to connect with people on things we all deal with, all struggle with. I am not alway the fixer…sometimes I need fixing.
[youtube width="620" height="420"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGcwFok0_g0[/youtube]
Then, like how the carpenter has a leaky roof, my blog (yes the one your are reading) decides that it is angry and must explode. I tried to coax it along, asking the database to please wait until the weekend, promising I would migrate it to the new server space at Rochenhost but no….It seized up. Now I do take responsibility here that I did an in place upgrade to WordPress WPMU 2.7.1 but I was following Richard’s instructions and his first set about configuring WPMU were really good!
I have been with the same hosting company since 2005. Now, using software is just like dating in many ways…the longer you are “with” the software or hosting provider, the more attached you feel to them. In spite of problems around:
most people will stay with their partner hosting company. Well, I realized mine was not paying attention to my needs. I gave them many chances to improve. I even spent more money with them…hoping they’d notice me. I left them nice comments in their tesimonials forum…no change. I even suspected they were cheating on me not giving me actual answers they knew but were just copy/pasting from a knowledgebase. Finally, I began looking around and found someone a hosting company that fits my needs.
Did my hosting company go south? Did our needs/offerings change over time to create the rift? I know I tried to resolve things and am moving on.
I’ve been testing out Rochenhost for 3 months now. Not only are they the offical host of all of Joomla.org, they also sponsored Joomla Day Las Vegas, get the big “joke” on green hosting, say all many of their folks are Red Hat certified, have been quick and mostly accurate in their initial responses so I’m satisfied and have started moving my sites over there.
Now you may be saying, “Adria, don’t you hate Joomla though? Why would you host with a company that is tuned for Joomla? ”. The answer is that Joomla, WordPress and many Content Management Systems (CMS) have similar requirements for hosting in reference to Apache, PHP, MySQL, hardware and bandwidth.
So I was pretty pumped about entering the MyCoopRocks contest a few weeks back. I was sure the judges were going to pick my entry because it had:
[blip.tv ?posts_id=2017411&dest=-1 width="620" height="420"]
But it seems the judges had other ideas. I was awaiting Friday May 8th when they would make the announcement on who won but they made it around dinner time Thursday. Seeing the email, my heart skipped a beat! Had I won a macbook! What would the website look like? What would I tell people on Twitter?
Uhm…yah…No need because I didn’t win!
The good thing I take away from this is that I have masted the skill of networking.
Now, just 4 years ago, I was terrified of speaking in front of people. Just 1 year ago, I had no experience in front of a camera. 6 months ago I was not doing my daily lifestream at AskAdria.com and 1 month ago I had never met some guy with a camera on site to shoot footage for a contest.
One of my entrepreneurial heroes is R. H. Macy. He founded the Macy’s Department store but not before he went broke out west selling shovels to miners digging for gold. He also sold real estate in Wisconsin. The first shop he opened up in New York City was not a big, spacious retail store…it was more like the with of fruit stand and he sold ladies gloves and hair pins. From the humble beginning and initial failures, he amassed a fortune and created a memorable landmark/memory/slice of life for many people.
In modern society, it’s seen as shameful to try and fail so most people don’t try at all. Jeff of CodingHorror.com talks about failing often as a measure of success in programming. Who cares how many “sites you launched” if they all required the same skill set from you making you no more than a fast paced gerbil on the Internet superhighway’s assembly line?
Fear of failure is so teriffying to people they spend their whole lives taking safe bets. Many of these same people then grumble when “risk takers” achive amazing things. Point is, everyone should take risks…intelligent risks where the payoff has been evaluated and it’s something you’re interested in.
It looks like fear of failure is actually part of perfectionism (so says Wikipedia)
Perfectionism can drive people to accomplishments and provide the motivation to persevere in the face of discouragement and obstacles. The meticulous attention to detail, necessary for scientific investigation, the commitment which pushes composers to keep working until the music realises the glorious sounds playing in the imagination, and the persistence which keeps great artists at their easels until their creation matches their conception all result from perfectionism”.
In the workplace, perfectionism is often marked by low productivity as individuals lose time and energy on small irrelevant details of larger projects or mundane daily activities. This can lead to depression, alienated colleagues, and a greater risk of accidents.
Five characteristics of perfectionists: procrastination, fear of failure, the all-or-nothing mindset, paralysed perfectionism, and workaholism.
I liked my co-op a lot. I felt invested enough I could come up with 10 reasons why they were awesome. After I made my own video, I realized it wasn’t going to win any awards. I felt I had a strong set of reasons so I set out to find someone who could help me deliver my message in a good format. Even though I didn’t win, I now have a much better understanding, start to finish, of how to get a video recorded and what the production results can look like!
So, this last 24 hours might have sucked but I learned a lot. I’m off to eat my bowl of ice cream now!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdJ-3f6I9_0[/youtube]
NOTE: I created this video, in the moment, to share the intensity of my experience that my life was changing. I was not nervous and was not feeling bad in this video but I do appreciate the inquiries of concern. I felt overwhelmed with the present moment knowledge the gap between myself and my goals became smaller.
Do you ever feel like your life is a runaway train? That you want to slow down but you can’t? Of course, this can be seen as a bad thing the train is headed downwards into a ravine but what would you feel if it was racing upwards towards a beautiful field covered in flowers?
Tonight I had one of these moments where I was so overwhelmed with the realization my life was at yet another major turning point that I found myself pacing the kitchen floor. Most of my previous life events that have shaped me into the person I am didn’t leave me with much time for reflecting. I certainly didn’t have real time awareness. That is the true power of the human mind; the ability to be aware in the present moment and make active choices.
I was unable to fully accept what was happening in my life as I held my arms over my head saying, “I can’t believe this is happening”. All around me, things are going right. They’re righter than right, it’s like someone stacked the deck in my favor. Maybe it’s because I watched that MIT Blackjack movie the other night on Netflix…maybe it’s because I believe in the Law of Attraction…maybe I’ve reached my 10,000th hour to become a true Outlier as defined by Malcolm Gladwell.
Most events that I remember now as “life altering” are memories and while they were occurring, I was not able to realize, in the present moment, just how big they were. A good example is that while working at Geeksquad, Robert Stephens arranged for all us geeks to see The Matrix at a special sneak preview the day before it was released. At that time, I didn’t know much about this Sci-Fi movie, that would become a cult classic or think too much about who I was seeing it with. They were just my coworkers. That was the spring of 1999.
Photo Credit: Charles & Clint
What I do know is that sharing my thoughts, feelings, insights, opinions, methods, work flow, tools, desires, goals and experiences openly and honestly on the Internet is helping. I’m understanding myself better, I’m getting better at things I used to suck at (speaking in front of people), I’m coming up with more ideas and solutions then I ever did before and I’m creating an environment that people feel welcome in.
By reaching outside of my comfort zone, I am giving people a chance to get to know me. At first this sounded like crazy talk because who would want someone all up in your business, right?
For example, I thought Twitter was about peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and talking about how boring your job was. Geeze was I wrong! What I came to understand is that I could use social networking to connect with people in a way that felt comfortable to me. I started this blog in May of 2008. I was really worried about what to write and felt I had to live up to the quality, length and standards of Lifehacker. Over time, I began to find out what I enjoyed writing about and focused on that. I didn’t worry about what other blogs were doing.
Then when I encountered some clients who felt like they “never saw me”, I began thinking about a webcam. At first, I planned to use it soley for Skype. I saw all my clients being happy because they could see me. I began looking for people on Twitter who did video stuff. I found @Chuck, @Chucumentary, @Scobleizer, @WayneSutton, @OhDoctah, @BillCammack and @ChrisPirillo on Twitter. I followed, watched, asked for advice and thought it over in my head if I could do this “video thing”. I determined it would certainly help me become a better speaker in front of people since I was planning to do more computer training classes. Well, somehow I found Ustream.tv and all heck broke lose. I began watching folks on there and began to visually imagine how I could do a show. The first couple in December 2008 were rough and I wasn’t sure what I was doing but I kept at it. Now, I have a steady group of viewers at my daily lifestream show, AskAdria.com, and have snagged my first sponsor (Thanks Zendesk!)
My consulting business is doing well and I get compliments on the site content and look (Big thanks to my Life Coach @PeteQuily).
I am constantly meeting new and amazing people online. I tell people that I’ve networked with more awesome people on Twitter in the last 6 months than in 10 years on the Internet.
I have a happy set of clients, enjoy my daily work as a consultant and my dreams look more real then ever before (maybe now HD vs Technicolor?).
The point is that I’ve learned if I focus on my goals and share them, surround myself with positive people and focus on being grateful, things happen. I hope this can help someone else take that first, uncomfortable step towards something new that holds the promise of a better tomorrow.
I’ve decided to write a summary to give you my perspective two months after putting up the Norm Coleman database blog post.
I created the Norm Coleman blog post to answer the questions I began to receive the night this all happened. I started ButYoureAGirl.com to help people understand technology.
I like to document things (my Inner Nerd at work). You can see a similar example regarding Avira antivirus.
What happened next regarding Wikileaks and going on national television never crossed my mind as a possible outcome of following my geeky curiosity and documenting screenshots.
Photo Credit: Daveybot
Political Views
What I didn’t know at the time was how this issue was snowballing between the Democrats and Republicans. I don’t own a television and don’t follow politics. I sold my TV on Craigslist in 2006 as a part of “the great experiment” I was reading about on Steve Palina’s blog. I never really was a big fan of commercials anyway. I use David Allen’s Getting Things done (GTD) method of productivity to turn my dreams into reality. Every reporter asked me if I was “partisan”. I actually had to ask the what that was but figured it had to do with being strongly associated to a political party. Now don’t get me wrong, I have beliefs on things like education, the environment, the death penalty, the legal system, oil dependency, health care and taxes. It’s just that none of that had to do with this.
The Media
I started to see traffic spikes on my humble blog March 10th, 2009. By March 11th, more than 1,000 people had stopped by! My average number of daily visitors before then was about 40. Then the calls started. Reporters were calling and asking me to tell them what happened. Being a techie, I thought I was helping them; I now realize many were looking to sensationalize the story and twist my words to make things sound more exciting. I’m now wiser about the media and their “angles”. For those of you who work in technology, you know it can be a challenge to keep someone’s attention as you explain the benefits of data backups that utilize incremental, off-site and image based options. We find it fascinating but non technical people start to “glaze over”.
Where Do We Go From Here?
I want to share that I’m working on something exciting! I’ve been meeting and talking with security consultants around the US. I’ve also talked with people in the data privacy field. I’m working to put together a resource that will bring security and business people together in a way that makes sense. I myself am not a security consultant; rather an IT consultant who values security. I would like to utilize this event to help people connect on this issue and access accurate information on what they need to do to secure their data, networks and websites.
Thank You For Your Support
I appreciate all the words of encouragement, support, suggestions, personal stories from people on the list, research efforts and most importantly, technical folks speaking up to this. The first question I received from a reporter was, “Do you want to go the record about this?”. That reminded me that many people working in the IT field would have not feel comfortable talking about something like this for fear of the backlash. As an independent consultant, I understand I have more flexibility that those working full-time for someone. I also understand that what I do outside of my work does reflect on my work. My clients have been supportive about this issue and I thank them as well; Democrat and Republicans alike. After appearing on The Rachel Maddow Show, I really saw an increase in mentions about me across the Internet (I use Google Alerts to track this). My Technorati rank for this blog doubled. Some blogs were even referring to me as “Dr. Adria Richards”! Doh! I stopped by many sites and left comments to help answer people’s questions and to indicate I did not hold a doctorate degree.
The Haters
There have been people who voiced their opinions on what I did, how I did it, why I did it and so on. I can’t change what I did (looking into the Coleman fake website crash, taking screenshots, writing a blog post about it). I am a person who takes action. Some people are just angry people looking for targets. Some people feel they know what other people should do with their lives. I decided that I wasn’t going to feed the trolls.
How You Can Help
That said, if you are interested in helping with this upcoming project to bridge the gap between unsafe data storage in the business world and best practice data security audits, training and education, contact me.
Stay tuned…
Ok, I try to post things that will help other people, not myself. As someone of the female gender, it’s been instilled in me to be humble and not draw attention to myself. The message has been that I should feel guilty for tooting my own horn. I believed that for many years and was almost relieved when others would take the credit for something…then I didn’t have to get up and speak.
I have keep a low profile on the internet for many reasons but mainly because I’ve never felt comfortable interacting with a bunch of people. That’s been changing for me in the last 3 years in ways I cannot describe except to say I see people in a whole new way and really enjoy connecting with them! This is why I love Twitter. Staying under the radar hasn’t been easy since the whole you-know-what thing happened. I was reading Chris Brogan’s post about how to get public speaking gigs and he mentioned “social proof”. I devoured the entire Wikipedia article and understood that I’ve been learning to use Twitter the way someone learns to play a game without knowing the rules. This could be viewed as a bad thing but for me, it’s a breakthrough since I’m learning to pick up on people’s behaviours.
I realize that people want to know what I’m interested in, what makes me happy and are looking for ways to connect with me. If this post isn’t your cup of tea, I apologize. After seeing Amy Stephen Tweet about the palm sized 3M projector, simply saying, “want”, I decided I must share my desire for this amazingly cute, awesome, roxor shirt I saw today on ThinkGeek. It features two My Little Pony characters who have Super Nintendo controller buttons on their butts instead of the usual butterflies, ice cream cones and flowers:
From the ThinkGeek Website
OMG Pwnies!!!!
There’s only one gift that would make every little gamer girl’s dreams come true: pwnies. Pwnies are just like real ponies except with less mucking out stalls and more fragging of the enemy. What could be better than having your own pwnies to play with? You could braid their manes, feed them apples, equip them with rocket-propelled grenade launchers…. There’s no end to the fun you can have with your little pwnies.*
Two prancing controller-ponies with the phrase “OMG Pwnies!” printed in tan, grey, and red glitter on a black cotton babydoll shirt.
*No pwnies were harmed in the making of this shirt. However, the red glitter is genuine unicorn blood. Sorry about that.
I put it on my Amazon Wishlist which now supports “Universal” adds from any website.
If you pick this up for me through my Amazon Wishlist, I will thank you (or your business) for an entire week on my daily lifestream, AskAdria.com. You will also be listed on my blog, ButYoureAGirl.com on the bottom right where I thank people who buy things from the wishlist. Hey, if Jason Sadler can sell t-shirt days and sit on his couch for his ustream.tv shows, I’m going to say I would really, really, really like to own this shirt.
