Photo Credit: Jeff Croft

Yesterday I spent my first 4th of July in San Francisco. We had a BBQ here and then some fellow Zendeskians came over and we headed off to visit Clay, our old co-worker who was having a Vegan cookout.

Scene on the rooftop in the Mission – Lot of Googlers since both roommates work there.  Young crowd.  Single + few couples.  Freetime.  Smartphone in your pocket. Burgers.  Hot dogs (kosher?). Sunny.  More beer than the cooler could hold.

Scene at Clay’s in Mission/Noe – Young crowd.  More couples.  Indoors.  A few dogs.  Curios cat feeder.  Agile development. Pet rescue.  Delicious white wine sangria. Jailbreaking.

It’s been almost 5 years since I made a commitment to be more social.  Small talk is still not my favorite thing in the entire world; it’s like a salty drink in the middle of a desert.   This geeky introvert has come a long way from not showing up at parties to seeking them out and *gasp* inviting others to come!

On this day of celebrating freedom, I felt especially appreciative that I even have the CHOICE to focus my attention, future and career.  I was born in New York City at a Jewish Hospital in 1978.   If I were born just 100 – 200 years earlier, I would be disenfranchised due to my race, gender and high falootin’ curiosity about science, technology and trying new things.  That fact that I’m a combination of races could have created even more hardship.  This post was quite a bit longer but I’m going to hold of on the second part while I develop it out a bit.

Be grateful.  Live in the moment.  Appreciate every day you wake up breathing.

June 2009 the seed was planted about moving to San Francisco.  That seed began to sprout after working for Zendesk.  February 9th I announced I was moving.  April 13th I moved.  May 24th, I have a permenant place to live!

I never would have imagined my life developing and evolving the way it has in the last 4 years.  What I do know is that I pretty much enjoy every, single minute of my life.  The ability to spread smiles, knowledge and hope each day fills my heart with joy!  I am seeing so much good here in San Francisco that I now regret not thinking of moving here sooner!

I’ll go to sleep tonight thanking God for the wonderful opportunities he has put in my path.  I will continue to show my appreciation by stepping up and using my skills and passion to make every day count *smile*

Was I scared sh**less to do this?

Did I regret my decision at least once during the process?

Did I fear failure or some huge disaster?

The answer is, “yes”to all those questions.

Quotes To Live By

I overcame fear by looking it in the face.  I will leave you tonight with some powerful quotes on fear, courage and fear.  I wish you the best in going after your dreams.

The only way past fear is to go through.

- Author Unknown

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.

- Mary Manin Morrissey

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.

- Mark Twain

If you’re careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.

- Ashleigh Brilliant

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

- Anais Nin

Leap, and the net will appear.

- John Burroughs, Naturalist (1837-1921)

When we speak. we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid.  So it is better to speak.

- Audre Lorde

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others.

- Winston Churchill

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you.

- William Arthur Ward

It is better to die on one’s feet than to live on one’s knees.

- Emiliano Zapata

Courage of the heart is very rare; the stone has a power when it’s there.

- Nicodemus, The Secret of NIMH

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die.

- G.K. Chesterton

Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.

- Peter T. Mcintyre

Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use.

- Ruth Gordon

This is the way to cultivate courage: First, by standing firm on some conscientious principle, some law of duty. Next, by being faithful to truth and right on small occasions and common events. Third, by trusting in God for help and power.

- James F. Clarke

Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.

- Benjamin Disraeli

The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.”

- Ralph W.Sockman

Fear imprisons; faith liberates; fear paralyzes; faith empowers; fear disheartens; faith encourages; fear sickens; faith heals; fear makes useless; faith makes serviceable.

- Harry Emerson Fosdick

It requires more courage to suffer than to die.

- Napoléon Bonaparte

I’m not afraid of San Francisco.

I’m not afraid that I won’t be successful.

It’s the overwhelming thought of the unknown in a new city that causes butterflies in my stomach.

photo credit: M Skaffari

I’ve just started reading Annie‘s book, “Knit With Courage Live With Hope” where she shares her journey of moving from New Jersey to Minnesota and her husbands sudden health battle with Multiple Myeloma.

She blogged all this. I found myself devouring the pages; curious to see what would happen to the Modesitt family next.

I’m struggling with this fear and I’m going to do my best to share my moving progress here on the blog.

Stories

Today I talked with my friend Brad, asking him for advice on where to hold a going away party. He’s the life of the party. Even if he doesn’t know anyone, just give him 15 minutes and he’ll have an entire section of the room laughing out loud. I love his laugh. It sounds like a happy fish gurgling a although he probably would wouldn’t want me to share my thoughts on his laughter sounds!

He shared to San Francisco stories with me today.

Story one

He-man woman in San Francisco. They laughed. They talked. She said, “Hey! Do you want to meet my friends?”. He said yes and they went off to hang out with several of her friends. He had a great time. He stayed in contact with this woman for several years afterwards and remembers the warm, fuzzy feelings of just being welcomed in even though he was a stranger.

Story two

Another time in San Francisco, Brad got lost. He was walking and finally stopped after directions. The people were so concerned that he had lost his way, they actually walked him back about half a mile and made sure he got his destination.

Brad says that the people in San Francisco are some of the nicest, friendliest, warm, helpful people he has ever met. He should know. He travels all over the United States talking with doctors because he sells drugs. He’s good at it too *smile*

We learn by listening. Through the stories of others, there are valuable lessons that we can apply to our own lives. We can feel inspired, concerned and most importantly hopeful.

What’s different this time

I’ve moved a lot in the past. Pretty much every couple of years. But moving from Minneapolis to St. Paul isn’t like moving across the country.

What if I forgot something in Minneapolis?

I’ve been here for 26 years. I came here in 1984 when I was six years old. The Twin Cities have been home for a while.

Last year, I did a lot of traveling. I was scared of traveling last year. And year before that. It was for the same reasons that I’m feeling now. The unknown.

Last year, something happened. I began to look forward to traveling. I felt excited about my next trip. The frustrations that I used to experience while traveling occurred less often. A big part of this was GPS.

Self-sufficiency through GPS

I used to print out a lot of directions. I would then constantly refer to these printed directions as I was driving. I can’t understand when people would say, “Go north 2 miles”. How was I supposed to know what direction north was and what 2 miles look like on the road?

Sometimes I would cry. Yes, I would pull over on the side of the road and just cry. Cry because it was late. Cry because I was lost. Cried because I had no idea how to get back on track. I guess you could say I cried because I felt powerless.

GPS changed all that for me.

My first GPS device was a Dell Axim running Windows mobile 2003. I had time installed on it and had purchased a Bluetooth GPS receiver which transmitted data from the satellites to the Dell Axim and into the Tomtom software. I got this because of the deep friend of mine who suggested it. At first, I didn’t think I needed but then I realized just how essential it was too empowering me.

That was 2007. I’ve come a long way.

Now I use GPS on my iPhone. Even when I take public transit in other cities or in a taxi, I’ll pull Google maps and “track” myself.

I no longer cry because I don’t get lost anymore. In fact by using GPS devices for the last few years, I have a much better sense of orientation and surprise myself!

What I’ve heard about San Francisco

Everyone says I love it. Everyone says it’s very expensive.

I welcome the next chapter in my life and the work to share with you here.

“I’ve been watching you baby, for a very long time”

If you’ve ever been talking to someone and the two of you start talking about someone who is “Internet Famous”, you may have experienced feelings of euphoria, amazement, wonder and curosity.  I think many of these same feelings are like infatuous love (yes!  I’m going to use that word even if it’s not a word).

I’ve seen people get into a frenzy about meeting celebrities, regardless of origin.  With SXSW around the corner, I’m sure I will be meeting all sorts of folks again.  To me, everyone is a person and I look forward to understanding a bit of them and who they are vs spewing back what I’ve read about them.  This worked out well on a plane ride back from Atlanta when I sat next to a player from the Vikings.  We just chatted about the sort of things young adults chat about: career, work schedules, exercise, goals, freetime, tattoos and blogging.  I usually sleep on plane rides but had a great and authentic conversation.

photo credit: feiticeira_org

Social media allows us to feel “close” to someone we’ve never met.  This is known as “ambient awareness” and is very much like overhearing a conversation on, let’s say public transit for 40 minutes.  By the time you get off at your stop, you feel you have a good sense of the topic and how the two people feel.

You may have even been tempted to interrupt and offer information.  I know I’ve done that at a coffee shop before hearing two people talk about technology!

A great first step to take your initial meeting from fanboy/fangirl to something more authentic is to greet the person, share your name and shake their hand.  I still get, “I follow you on Twitter!” and have been confused about how to reply to this sort of statement.  Figured it out last month and  I now say, “Tell me about your blog”.  This allows me to redirect the focus and learn about the other person.

The key to networking is the same as love; be relaxed and sincere.  Spend time listening.  Bring something interesting that you’re doing to the table.  Connect with meaningful stories that contribute concepts of value.

I think Jodeci’s song, “Come and Talk to Me” says it all:

I’ve been watching you baby, for a very long time,

I’ve got my eyes on you

I’ve been watching you for so very long,

trying to get my nerve worked up to be so strong,

I really want to meet you but I’m kind of scared,

cause you’re the kind of lady with so much class,

I get my thoughts together for the very next day,

but when I see you lady I forget to say,

your eyes and hair, such a beautiful tone,

the way you dress and walk, it really turns me on,

Chorus

Come and talk to me,

I really want to know you

Can I talk to you?

I really want to know you

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

There you are again, with the same smile each day,

I want to know what it is to make me feel this way,

I wish I could grab you, tell you what it means to me,

to see you walking my way, it really makes my day,

before I go to sleep and dream about you, I’m a single man and I hope that you’re single too,

my <what?>, something inside my mind <what?>,

cause curiosity <what?> out of me,

talk to me, talk to me, talk to me baby,

Chorus

Come and talk to me, (my baby)

I really want to meet you

Can I talk to you?

(uhh, and you know)

I really want to know you

Come and talk to me, (you know, you know, baby)

I really want to meet you

Can I talk to you?

I really want to know you

I want to know, you want to tell me your name

(let me play your game)

I want to know, you want to tell me your name

I want to know, you want to tell me your name

I want to know, I really want to know you baby

Come and talk to me,

I really want, I really want, I really want to know you

(and you know)

I really want, I really want, I really want to know you

Come and talk to me,

I want to know you

(more reps of this chorus in different ways)

Song lyrics hand typed by Adria Richards
See a lyric I need to correct?
Let me know!

Perception is a strong thing, like  a spider web.  Once caught, you don’t feel you can escape but for the bugs who don’t give up struggling, there is the chance of making it out alive.  That struggle is the rudder in your life to steer your ship.

Learn how you can start making changes today that allow you to lead the life you feel is out of reach.  That may sounds like some “space age” type talk but it works if you open your mind and focus on what is truly important to you.

Today’s topic at AskAdria is:

“How To Change The Course Of Your Life In 10 Minutes”

Monday, February 8th at 6:30pm Central

Join me over at http://askadria.com/live

Photo credit: *ian*

I love my sister. It brings me much pain to realize how our childhood has affected her as an adult. I know that I always seem happy, excited, optimistic and ready for the next challenge that life brings my way. Unfortunately, her life and thoughts have been very different.

She suffers from depression. I didn’t really understand what this meant. I thought depression was something that was temporary. I thought it could be cured if things in life got better for you. I thought medication helped make life better if you have depression.

I know it took a lot for her to muster up the courage to do this.

Whenever I think of depression, that commercial with the cloud comes to mind where that’s sad person is always followed by that sad cloud.  Then I think of the more happy, parody version MadTV did:

Pretty much 99.9999% of the time, I am happy, joyous, grateful, full of energy about life!  Sometimes, I have felt guilty that I am just so excited about being alive while others seem to find the world a horrible place to exist.

I would say that I have experienced situational depression when I have had to deal with overwhelming drama in my life like domestic violence.

It’s hard to think when you feel that your mortal life is in danger.  I found the image of Maslow’s Hierachy of Needs to be extremely helpful in understanding what I needed to become the fully developed person I was meant to be:

Thankfully, by refusing to participate in unhealthy relationships, I have not had to experience what I consider to be depression in the years. That’s why I call it “situational depression” because a specific series of events created something like a fog that enveloped me so tightly that it altered my perception of reality.

My sister is a loving person. She is a talented artist. She wants to do great things with her life and in the world but…

She is very critical of herself. She doubts herself often. She questions why anyone would really even like her. She constantly battles with guilt. She gives up easily…sometimes.

I enjoyed her fond childhood memory blog post where she went to the petting zoo with a tin can to feed to the goats (and she did!).

I guess we always had big imaginations for what was possible!

I’ve tried to help her ever since we were little. I could never really understand what she was going through. When I was younger, I know I said things that may have made her feel worse. I just didn’t understand.

Now I do.

One of the things I began doing about seven years ago was that I clearly communicated my unconditional love for her. I told her, no matter what, she would always be my sister, she could always come to me for help, and that I would always love her.

It took a few years for this to sink in with her. She was sure that at any moment I would pull back my “love” if she did something to displease me. Finally, she began to respond by asking for things she needed help with like a ride somewhere or not beating herself up verbally after failing to do something. Meeting other people’s expectations was important to her. Me too. In fact, overly important. Why the fuss? Our mom conditioned us to respond like this. That’s how she was; “Do this or I won’t love you anymore” (implied of course).

All it really did was confuse us, make us wary and uncomfortable sharing our feelings with others. At first, I thought it was just our family and I came to know others who had experienced the same thing. What I realized is, change starts with me.

I am so happy that Gwendolyn decided to drop off a hand-drawn card, a recipe for sugar cookies on Hello Kitty origami paper, a “rat shaped” cookie cutter, Hershey’s kisses, and that delicious bag of Dunn Bros coffee!

I hope we can reconnect in the future. I hope that she continues to get better coping with her depression so that she can live… really live and enjoy her life.

Gwendolyn, if you’re reading this, I love you.

Inspired to write a deeply personal post after enjoying an amazing breakfast with Annie (@modeknit) on Friday and I hope this helps others. She shared how she blogged about her husband’s illness, his battle with cancer and how it helped her to truly and deeply process her experience. Thank you Annie.

I found Kellen’s blog post on Depression 101 to be both personal and detailed in explaining how depression feels and the myths, misunderstandings and assumptions around it.

If you think someone you know is suffering from depression, check out these resources:

• What is Depression? – National Institute of Mental Health
• Depression Overview – Mayo Clinic
• Understanding Depression – WebMD

Some symptoms of depression from the NIMH website:

• Persistent sad, anxious or “empty” feelings
• Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and/or helplessness
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details and making decisions
• Insomnia, early–morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Overeating, or appetite loss
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
• Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

Today I share this music video from Common and Will.i.am, “I Have A Dream”

As I shared on Twitter today, my family is new to the word, “freedom”.  My grandfather was a sharecropper and according to my mom, my great grandfather was a slave.  This means my dad and his siblings were the first to really have “opportunties”.  On my mom’s side (she’s the Jewish one), her great grandparents came from Poland.  My grandparents were born in NYC, grew up, met each other, got married and lived the “American dream” but not before my grandfather and all his siblings changed their last names from Jepnick to Richards in hopes of avoiding discrimination for being Jewish (anti-semitism),

I am grateful I have the freedom to truly pursue what makes me happy.  I thank the people before me who stood up for those of us who could not find our voices (or who had not been born yet!).

Thank you Dr. King

I am sharing the following email correspondence to illustrate how some people have no clue that their energy is so negative that even I don’t want to associate with them.  No longer willing to spend time with emotional vampires and people who play mind games, I’ve tried, for several years now, to tell “Chuck T” (name changed for privacy), that I simply do not and will not interact with him.

Hopefully today…he gets it

Adria Richards

So the moral of the story is that you should continue to give people second chances but strike them out at 3.   What he wants is to use my skills for his gain.  I have decided that investing in any “causes” associated with this guy are a disservice to the people “receiving” the services and a disservice to myself because I can do a whole lot more when I’m surrounded by positive, motivated people.

Remember, People don’t change. What you observe: is.

Don’t hang around and “hope” people you work with will change. Establish your boundaries and deflect toxic folks like this.

Photo Credit: Chris Halford

photo credit: brdavids

Today is Turkey Day, aka Thanksgiving in the United States. While American holidays want us to focus in on specific feelings on certain days of the year, I find taking time each day to reflect and give thanks leads to higher productivity.

That said, I want to share a great article I found over at LifeDev that is one of my favorite bookmarks on showing that being thankful leads to a longer life:

Heh… did I get you? I didn’t mean the actual Thanksgiving Day tradition will make you live longer. Rather, actual acts of thanksgiving will increase your lifespan. A Better You Blog cites statistics from 2000 that being thankful is actually beneficial to your health.

One further reason is that research shows it is beneficial to your health (Mcollough, Emmons 2000). In this study, one participant group recorded a diary of daily events, another group wrote down unpleasant experiences, and the third group wrote down a daily record listing things for which they were grateful. The gratitude group was more likely to help others, exercise, and complete personal goals, while reporting more determination, optimism, alertness, energy, and enthusiasm. It is interesting to note that this study also found people who take time to deliberately record their gratitude were more likely to feel loved, and found more kindness reciprocated to them as they sent out an increase of kindness from their attitude. Also, grateful people were grateful regardless of whether special events happened in their day or not. In other words, they did not just have moments of gratefulness, but grateful attitudes.

In short, acts of gratitude improve your overall well-being. That’s reason enough for me to start being more thankful for what I have.

The article also gives three ways to get your gratitude on.

I hope everyone is enjoying a stress free holiday and for the many countries not celebrating Thanksgiving, thank you for giving me perspective that the world is bigger than the United States of America!

Audio of what I saw

I ran down to help.  The driver was extremely upset saying, “My breaks went out!  Is he all right!  Help me!  Help me!”

The guy on was thrown about 10 feet from his bike and there was green coolant leaking out.

She knelt near the guy on the motorcycle and I said it was best to leave him as he was.

People were calling 911 for help and the police, paramedics and fire dept arrived within a few minutes

For an accident at 1pm in the afternoon, a lot of my neighbors came out.

When I looked at the motorcyclist upon arriving at the scene, he was alive and appeared to be conscious but dazed.  His eyes were open but he looked to be in pain or shock.  His jeans were torn.  I’m so glad he was wearing a helmet!

I had been heading out to run an errand and didn’t bring my iPhone.  I ran back up 3 flights of steps to retrieve it and take these photos.

Full photo album on Flickr

How I feel about this

I’m freaked out by this but I’ve decided from your responses on Twitter that I’m going to head out to see my client.

Question

If you witness a car accident, does that increase or decrease the chances of you being in a car accident the same day?